I was not born in New York and can hardly say that I qualify as a “New Yorker.” I grew up on a dirt road in Arizona and my neighbors had horses. What is being a New Yorker, though?
I think the fact that New York has so many people from around the world is what truly makes it the city we love. With that being said, I am going to go ahead and dub myself as a New Yorker because really, who deserves that title more than someone who lives here for about eight months out of the year?
That being said, from one New Yorker to another, I have to tell you a secret: I have no idea how to work the subway. It’s not my fault, though.
I mean, I can get to where I need to go eventually, but it was not until last summer when I finally understood how to tell which way a train is going. I actually figured it out in London because there subways actually make sense. The London Underground’s lines are named for what they are, not something arbitrary like letters from the alphabet. Also, as you walk from tunnel to tunnel a map actually shows you a picture of the stops that tunnel serves and only those stops. Basically, you do not have to stand there for 20 minutes trying to find your line and location in a jumble of other irrelevant colorful squiggles. The map boldly says what the last stop is.
I realized that New York subways work in the same way. For example, if you take the 4 train that says Woodlawn on it, that is the direction you are traveling.
Wow, logical.
You know what is not logical about the New York Subway system though? While perhaps not as readable, the MTA’s underground transportation baffles me when it tapes notifications to random locations on the platform if there is a change in service.
The greatest city in the world with a multimillion dollar subway system relies on printed pieces of paper randomly adhered to things with scotch tape. Say what?
I cannot tell you the amount of times I was minding my own business, twiddling my thumbs when after 20 minutes, I suddenly realize at the same time a single piece of paper disguised as trash isn’t actually trash.
Turns out, this train does not run between 8:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. for whatever reason. Great, let me just carve out an extra two hours of my commute because MTA can’t get its stuff together!
There is only one thing worse than these stupid pieces of paper: the intercom system.
I seriously do not know why MTA bothers to use these. I have not met a single person who can understand the annoying static that disguises itself as an announcement. Maybe there are a few Lily Aldrins from How I Met Your Mother out there who can speak conductor, but I have yet to understand this mysterious language. Mostly, the announcements just stress me out because I feel like they are important and relevant but then I put on that façade of a New Yorker that I just do not care. One day, the announcement is going to tell us to run for our lives but we will all just continue to stand there because it just sounded like white noise.
Also, I like how the subway key assumes I already know certain things. For example, I understand that the white oval shape means local express only.
Do I know when local express trains run? No. I just kind of happen upon them.