During this time of isolation and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel confused, lonely and unsure of how to fulfill your needs. Reminding your loved ones of what your “love languages” are and having them reciprocate can be an extremely powerful tool — now more than ever. Dr. Gary Chapman is responsible for the concept of love languages, defining them as the ways in which humans express and experience love between romantic partners. However, these languages extend beyond romance and into the interpersonal and platonic relationships in our lives. Chapman breaks down the love languages into five categories: Quality Time (spending time together attentively), Receiving Gifts (receiving thoughtful physical items), Acts of Service (helping with tasks), Words of Affirmation (acknowledgments, compliments, etc.) and Physical Touch (hugs, touches of reassurance, etc.). 

These languages can look different for everyone. If you’re unsure of which of these may apply to you, there is even a quiz you can take online to narrow down which ones are most relevant to you. Figuring out what is important to you and the best ways to receive it, especially during this time, can be crucial to staying sane in isolation.  

Quality Time: For those whom you cannot see in person at the moment, try planning FaceTime dates, Zoom calls or whatever form of communication works best for you. You can make dinner together from your separate spaces, run through your chores or even watch a movie together. Streaming services offer options such as Netflix Party, where you and a friend are able to share a screen and watch a TV show or movie together. I personally have FaceTimed friends to spend creative time together. Even if we aren’t constantly speaking, we will put music on and enjoy each other’s company while we both knit, draw, collage and so on. 

Receiving Gifts: Sending mail has never been more exciting. Writing letters to friends or sending them little reminders that you love them can be a new and fun way for young people who are primarily digitally inclined to communicate. A friend of mine recently sent me a book in the mail that she’s reading, so that we can have a book club together. Receiving something in the mail from someone who lives across the country made me feel a little closer to her and provided a way to connect that we have never explored before. However, if you’re trying to avoid sending nonessential mail at the moment, consider dropping off little surprises to friends who live nearby (as long as you can make it back by mandatory curfew). A friend of mine recently had her 20th birthday in isolation, and I left a bag of her favorite candies on her doorstep without ever seeing or touching her. Even though that isn’t necessarily ideal, it still felt as though I was able to express my love for her on her special day. 

Acts of Service: If you’re a high school or college student at home during this time who has found yourself with extra time on your hands, consider taking the time now to do what you can around the house. Helping out with dishes or even cooking dinner can be simple and effective ways to show your family love, especially now that we’re all in the same space 24/7. My brother recently put some of my dirty clothes in his load of laundry, and I swear my eyes welled up with tears. In times like these, it can be the little things that matter most. 

Words of Affirmation: Sending your loved ones messages as simple as “I miss you” or “I’m thinking of you” is often easier said than done. Being vulnerable can be challenging, but almost always worth it. This rings especially true now; we could all use the reminder from people that we don’t get to see any more that they’re thinking of us. Reminding your friends how much you love and appreciate them is a relatively easy way to brighten up their day.

Physical Touch: My poor physical touch friends. I know this time of quarantine has not been easy for you all. When touching is forbidden (and even feared) it can feel hard to know how to cope. However, communicating with your loved ones about what you need and how you are being deprived of it may be the first step. Although I’m hesitant to encourage touching right now, showing physical love to the people with whom you’re quarantined can be a sweet gesture. 

Asking for what you need and checking up on your people matters. I’m encouraging my friends to let me know what they need, and I’m trying to advocate for myself as well.