Dear Emma,

I broke up with my boyfriend last week and I thought I would feel much better because every time I saw him I got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I was hoping this would go away, but I still don’t feel good about it.  Before, I wanted to be single and spend more time with my friends, but now I just miss him.  Maybe I’m just used to talking to someone every day and I don’t actually miss him but it sucks.  I don’t know how I feel and I have to pick a side because I’m hurting him.

Split

Dear Split,

I understand that you feel like you miss him now but the fact is that that feeling was there before and you couldn’t ignore it.  You addressed it and you did what you felt was best at the time and that’s all you can do.  You should ask yourself, “Would I feel better if we were to get back together?”  Probably not.  Everybody wants somebody there all the time. Break-ups are tough because cutting somebody off that used to be a part of your daily life is heartbreaking, regardless of whether or not you want the break-up.  I normally don’t advocate keeping an ex in your life for any reason, but I don’t see why you can’t talk every now and then to catch up.  Depending on your situation, this might be unfair to ask of him, but other than that I don’t see why not.  Your break up seemed civil enough.  If it’s meant to be it will happen in the future, but right now you have to acknowledge that feeling in the pit of your stomach and do what’s right for yourself.

Emma

Dear Emma,

I have a huge crush on my best friend’s ex.  They only hooked up once but she really likes him and he has no idea.  He flirts with me all the time and he confessed to me last week that he has had a crush on me for a while.  The rest of my friends think we would be a cute couple but I could never do that to her.  I just don’t know what to do.

Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend,

First of all, you are not a bad friend.  You say you could never do that to her which is very respectable.  A lot of girls at this school have forgotten what “girl code” is; girl code is words to live by, ladies.  If you have serious feelings for this boy you should talk directly to your friend.  Many people make the mistake of talking to everybody but their friend about situations like this, and it always gets back to the friend and always makes things worse.  Don’t make the same mistake. If you have a little crush on him, do your best to let it go.  Avoid him, or even better, put in a good word for her.  Stick with the girlfriends over boyfriends card.  Boys come and go, but your girlfriends are important.

Emma

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