By Marisa Rametta
Among college students and throughout magazines, newspapers and countless other sources, women repeatedly discuss how chivalry in relationships no longer exists, at least not in the way it did in the past. Women often compare men and relationships to ones that they see in romantic movies or novels. People wonder why there is a lack of traditional romance and cordial behavior and what they can do to encourage it.
“I wouldn’t say that chivalry is dead, but I would definitely say that it is lacking. I think it has a lot to do with technology and just the way people approach each other,” Emily Huffnagel, GSB ’15, stated in a telephone interview. “Instead of a guy asking a girl out on a date he will text, and I think it is a lot less formal, and they just kind of don’t put in as much effort anymore.”
If there is a change in relationship dynamics, who or what is to blame for it? Is it even a bad thing that needs to be changed?
According to some students and other online articles, the growing use of technology has impacted relationship dynamics. Not only do college students all have cell phones and belong to social media sites, meeting someone online has also become more popular with casual apps like Tinder and Hinge.
Forbes staff writer Katheryn Thayer writes, “Online dating is not a private, semi-embarrassing activity anymore. It’s now part of how we spend time with friends and entertain ourselves at parties. My friends send me screenshots of their Tinder chats and I hear guys talking about Tinder dates on the M15. The online dating service is becoming part of our offline lives.”
Even though online dating is becoming more of an ordinary part of our daily lives, there are both positives and negatives. “It’s easier to meet today with online dating services, apps and the cellphones we have, but it is less formal and promotes casual relationships rather than truly getting to know a person,” said Joseph Juliano FCRH ’15. “While all this technology makes rapid dating easier it also thwarts spontaneity and the true meaning of chivalry.”
Men are often solely blamed for this lack of cordiality and romance in relationships. But are women also at fault?
Some say that the way a girl acts or dresses can affect the respect they receive. “I think the way girls act also has an impact on the way guys are going to act towards you.” Huffnagel said. “They are not going to go out of their way to show respect for a girl who doesn’t respect herself.”
This may lead to a vicious cycle between men and women both lowering their standards and respect for each other.
Women advancing in society and competing with men for the same jobs and being seen more as equals might also be leading to a decline in chivalry. If women are supposed to be seen as “equal” to men, capable of achieving the same goals, some think these values should translate to relationship dynamics. For example, Yahoo, a huge universal company, now has a female CEO. Hilary Clinton announced her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election. This goes to show that women are obtaining visibly powerful positions that were traditionally held by men.
The level of power women now have in the workforce is a debatable cause of the lack of chivalry. “Just because, say a woman has more power than a man in a particular position, doesn’t mean she should treat him as an unequal on a social level, and the same goes for a man,” said Sara Jackson FCRH ’15. “I think that chivalry can still be associated with women in powerful positions depending on the right man.”
Following the opinions of some Fordham students, it may be that modern day chivalry is left up to the individual to manage and improve if deemed unacceptable. It is evident that as women further advance and technology becomes even more interlaced in our daily lives, dating dynamics will be affected. But for the people who want the notion of chivalry to remain alive, they must find a balance that is acceptable in order to maintain their self-respect and promote their feeling of fulfillment.
