Do I like football? Can’t say I do. However, I somehow find myself succumbing to the three-hour event that is the Super Bowl every year. I’m not so far above football to pass up on watching a game with friends, drinks and unhealthy food.

This year, while watching the Los Angeles Rams and New England Patriots chuck a piece of cowhide back and forth, I couldn’t help but notice how bad the Rams’ new uniforms are. Baby blue and yellow? I didn’t know UCLA was playing. Also, the San Diego Chargers have been sporting this color combination for much more time. With this in mind, I decided to look into other football teams’ uniforms and decide which teams made a proper investment in a design team.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
I guess this team is supposedly really good. Tom Brady is apparently the “GOAT” (greatest of all time) for being not only incredible at football but also scoring legendary supermodel, Gisele Bundchen as his wife. I follow Gisele on Instagram (of course) and, despite being annoyed seeing posts about Tom Brady on her account, the uniform he wears in these photos isn’t too bad.

The navy football leggings (is that the proper term?), white jerseys and red lining throughout the uniform come together really well as to accurately represent their team mascot. I guess putting together red, white and blue isn’t exactly rocket science, but color placement does matter, and whoever designed the Patriots’ uniforms obviously understands that.

MIAMI DOLPHINS
I’m just going to get to the point: the Dolphins’ uniform is straight up disrespectful to the actual dolphin species. Blue and orange is an unflattering color combination and I hope that whoever decided to put the two together isn’t interested in designing anymore.

When I was young, I remember claiming to be a Dolphins fan just to fit in (even though they were terrible at the time), and now I regret it. Merely reminiscing on my bad taste and decision to like this team is embarrassing. Message to the team: even if you lose, try to look good while doing it.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Gold clothing is either really nice or really cheap-looking, and yes, I mean that. Unless it’s a Jean Paul Gaultier haute couture gold dress, odds are it doesn’t look good. However, the black and gold combination found on the Saints’ uniform might actually work.

The version of the uniform that I’m considering is the one where black is the primary color. Black is already a slimming color, and the gold works here because it is only added as detail.It’s solely present on the collar, player number and helmet. Any more and people would start confusing football players with go-go dancers.

CLEVELAND BROWNS
All I can say is Happy Halloween! Orange is not one of my favorite colors to begin with, but putting it together with brown isn’t necessarily bad. However, the combination is forever synonymous with pumpkins, witches and candy corn. How intimidating.

In general brown and orange is not bad as a combination, but brown and orange isn’t very flattering on the field. The contrast between the green field and the uniforms is too much color for the eye, making it excruciating to look at. I don’t know anyone who would wear brown and orange together in a regular ensemble, so why would a team decide that it would be good as a uniform?

In conclusion, some football teams look better than others on the field. Whether or not you think that a team’s uniform is important, just remember: whether you win or lose, look good doing it.

Major props have to be given out to the New England Patriots. Though I am usually not one to jump onto something that so many people already are fans of, Brady and his crew have proven that you can win in both athleticism and aesthetics.

Despite the sin committed by the Miami Dolphins’ uniform designer, can we also pay attention to how cringe-worthy that halftime show was? Adam Levine’s tattoos can slide into my DMs, but bring Beyoncé back!

By Isiah Magsino