By KAREN HILL
COLUMNIST
Being back at school is an exciting feeling, as there are many faces we missed over the summer and can’t wait to see. Unfortunately, amongst those faces is also the person you’ve dreaded seeing all summer — your ex. Do you say “hi?” Do you stay cordial? Probably not, but, why can’t we all just be friends?
Staying friends with an ex is certainly easier said than done; however, it is an option worth evaluating. Holding onto the friendship is valuable because someone you once trusted and cared for is someone you can maybe once again trust and care on a platonic level.
There is no hard and steadfast rule when trying to let a former relationship evolve into a friendship. The decision is neither based on how long you dated nor how much you had in common. The starting point is how you got along in the first place. For example you could have dated someone for two years and both loved mint-chocolate ice cream and read Hemingway, but that does not make you anymore compatible than chocolate and pickles.
The point of dating really and truly is to find out what you want from a partner. The true instances where you should avoid renewed contact is if the relationship was truly emotionally taxing on you. There is more than just the Chris Brown and Rihanna type of abuse. As I learned from my Abusive Relationships Peer Health Exchange Workshop, there are four types of abuse—physical, emotional, financial and sexual. If any of these instances happened where you partner regularly made you feel less then, then you should refrain from all contact.
If you were a chauvinistic boyfriend, you are going to be a chauvinistic friend who is a boy. If you were a jealous girlfriend, you are going to be an even more jealous ex-girlfriend. Maintaining a relationship on any level would be detrimental to your sanity and confidence. Not everyone is worth the effort. Some people might have just been a phase and you never really connected. Maybe it was just a physical attraction. Things like that do not need to continue.
Another factor to consider is how many mutual friends you had. If you didn’t have many mutual friends it will make moving on for good easier. If you had a lot of mutual friends, being cordial is going to be mandatory. However, if things ended on a mendable note, don’t be afraid to strike up conversation and bring up old inside jokes. It’s okay. You all had a moment in the past, and now it over.
The most important thing to be doing is making sure that you move on. I don’t recommend trying a friendship immediately. Give it time. See other people. Just don’t make things weird and you will know when things are weird. Don’t force it, but do try it. And I don’t have to tell you not to keep hooking up, do I? That’s a whole other Ramantic article.
