This past Friday, as part of homecoming week, Fordham welcomed Harlan Cohen to Keating. Cohen is a New York Times bestselling author of six books, including The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College, and a nationally syndicated advice columnist. A frequent speaker at universities, Cohen came to talk about college issues and, more specifically, dating life in college.
After Cohen hopped onstage and enthusiastically introduced himself, he immediately dove into his presentation, targeting the members of the audience who were not in a relationship. He probed at each of the people he singled out, asking questions that caught them off guard about “secret crushes” or what they honestly thought of themselves. He answered questions about roommate problems and used his own roommate experiences to segue into the importance of conquering “uncomfortable situations,” like interpersonal issues with others, and from there to talk about rejection.
He urged audience members to embrace rejection and to not let it stop them from doing “uncomfortable things,” or things that challenge who they are, whether with internships, friendships or relationships. He said that each of us should become comfortable in our own skins, demonstrating this by introducing a “thong” analogy.
Cohen listed three different thongs that had to be mastered for total confidence: physical, emotional and spiritual. The physical thong was simple; we have to look at ourselves and acknowledge the things we do not love. Within those things, we must then either work to change the things we do not love, as Cohen did with his weight, or learn to tolerate the things we cannot change, as Cohen did with his “oversized” ears.
The emotional thong was a bit more complicated; it dealt with what Cohen called the “Universal Rejection Truth of Dating and Relationships.” This “truth” stated that “thousands of people will want you, but millions will not” and that “not everyone we like will like us back.” However, he said, each of these things is OK. Rejection is healthy and should not take away from who we are. Getting comfortable in the emotional thong means realizing this and realizing how much we are worth as individuals, and it is perfectly fine if one person does not see or want that in us.
The final thong, the spiritual one, deals with passions and with finding things outside of relationships that make us truly happy and make us live more fully. Harlan discussed this in regards to his own past long-distance relationship. He said for the relationships to work, each person needed to be his or her own person and needed to have a life and passions outside of each other. This would make the relationship more full and healthy and less codependent.
Cohen finished off the talk by singing “My Roommate Stu,” which exemplified some of the tips he had described throughout his speech. Afterwards, many students lingered in the auditorium to speak with Cohen or to discuss their thoughts with each other.
Kim Damone and Becca Elzinga, both FCRH’16, came to the event together after Elzinga read one of Cohen’s books. Both said they found Cohen to be funny and insightful with pieces of advice they could take home to reflect on. Damone appreciated Cohen’s advice on being proactive in getting internships while Elzinga said she felt the thong analogy was relatable to everyone.
Gary Guarnaccia, GSB’14, who was one of the students singled out by Cohen, agrees. He thinks the thong analogy has true value in relationships and said the entire talk covered less common topics that are important and relevant to people in their teens and early twenties in order for them to lead successful lives. Guarnaccia attended the event because he is a part of CSA, and he was impressed with how it turned out. He was happy to be singled out because Cohen’s style of presentation needed participation for it to have the impact it did. Guarnaccia plans on taking Cohen’s advice about “secret crushes” and hopes to work towards implementing it in the future.
Emily Rochotte, GSB’14, vice president of student life for USG and organizer of the event, was pleased overall with the student response to Cohen. She had had the event planned for two months leading up to it and was inspired by Cohen’s message of “becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable.” This message, she says, is good to keep in mind even for the most confident people and relates to how Father Joseph M. McShane S.J., president of the University urges us to be bothered by life around us. Though attendance was not huge, the students there were instead able to have a more intimate session, and she believes that many left the show challenging their own comfort zones, herself included.
While the idea of becoming comfortable in a “thong” may not be the easiest task to accomplish, it gives insight as to how students think about themselves and the amount of confidence they can possess. Cohen’s talk was thought-provoking and inspiring, and presented lessons that will not be quickly forgotten by those in attendance.
