By AMANDA PELL

Columnist

I have a friend who gets really frustrated with me when we meet people. She has an unfailing habit of seeking the best in everyone, while I’m more critical. We’ll argue the merits of a new acquaintance endlessly — or rather, I’ll debate it out loud while she throws up her hands and wonders why we’re having the conversation at all. “They’re nice, Amanda,” she’ll say, totally exasperated. But that’s not the point, I’ll try to explain; are they fun, interesting, talented, passionate? Most people are nice enough, but from my perspective, if that’s your only selling point, well… that’s kind of boring! No one has the time to make friends with every “nice” person they meet anyway; why not look for a little more?

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn had a saying: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In my opinion, filling those five spots with people who are nothing but friendly, who don’t challenge or upset you from time to time, will make you an exceptionally underwhelming person. How can we expect to grow when we’re satisfied with “nice,” both in our friends and in ourselves? That’s why I suggest we stop trying to be perceived as “nice” or “friendly” or “pleasant” and start striving to be exciting, interesting, dynamic people with something to offer those around us.

I’m notorious for surrounding myself with weirdos. I’ll take a nerd with a passion for something over a “normal” person any day. And true to Mr. Rohn’s word, I’ve become just as much of a weirdo myself. But man, am I having fun! I love being around passionate people. I hang with musicians, artists, actors, comedians, videographers, academics and anybody else who can show me something new and fascinating about the world. I surround myself with those who are more talented and interesting than I am so that I can become a better person through my relationships with them.

The caveat: I’m not saying that some people are inherently more valuable than others based on their particular hobbies. I’m also not suggesting we should dismiss anyone simply for being a nice person. What I’m saying is we shouldn’t feel obligated to befriend someone simply because they are pleasant. You have every right to choose whom you spend your time with. It’s not callous or mean; it’s just acknowledging that not everyone is meant to be best friends with everyone else. We all find the right people some way or another.

Another caveat: as much as I don’t think niceness should be a priority, that doesn’t mean we should allow ourselves to be gratuitously rude or offensive instead. I know I can be loud and obnoxious at times, but I also know that won’t always go over well with the people around me. When that happens, I own up to it and move on. But as my grandfather used to say, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Be exciting, be interesting, be dynamic — and if you rub someone the wrong way, you can deal with it when it happens. In the meantime, I tend to think you’ll have a whole lot more fun than you would have otherwise.