By Colleen Granberg
My name is Colleen Granberg, and I have been roommates with the editor-in-chief of this publication, Erin Shanahan, for the last two years. While I’m sure that The Ram has thrived under her leadership (I wouldn’t know – one week into living with her I vowed to never give her the satisfaction of reading this thing), but as this is her very last issue, I would like to take this time to air some grievances I have about living with her. This is not an attempt to defame her reputation, as I’m sure many people have had wonderful experiences with her – this is just an opinion piece. This is my story.
1. Erin brags all the time about being able to “do it all” – she’s an RA, editor-in-chief, works at Mt Sinai, does research at Fordham, helps vets deliver puppies in her free time – and she doesn’t even drink caffeine! This is a freaking LIE because Erin is the most caffeine dependent person I’ve ever seen – over the course of one afternoon, I’ve seen Erin drink three cups of tea, an iced coffee, four (!!!!!!) Redbulls and whatever the heck is in the “Shanahan Surprise.” It looks like an avocado mashed into a peppermint latte. I don’t even know.
2. We live on the top floor of Walsh Hall, and every day when I come home from class she sits waiting at our window to throw entire bags of ice at me as I walk to the building. She laughs like a maniac every time she hits me and screams “Watch where you’re walking you (expletive) dweeb!!” I’ve gotten no less than four concussions from this activity.
3. Every Wednesday morning, she sacrifices a copy of The Ram in a super loud and annoyingly long ritual. If Jamie and I are home, she usually tries to make us eat a page of the paper (I try not to be home anymore). She always eats the entire front page. I don’t know if this will stop when she isn’t editor-in-chief anymore, but I can only hope.
4. If she thinks we’ve slept for long enough, she’ll just take the blender and leave it going outside our door with nothing in it until we wake up. She stands between mine and Jamie’s beds at night, watching us until we fall asleep. She needs to make sure we’re REALLY sleeping. I don’t know what she does when we’re asleep, and I don’t want to find out.
5. She usually comes home from printing The Ram on Tuesday nights/Wednesday mornings around 5 a.m., and then proceeds to sit in our bathtub, play Youtube videos of vegan pregnancy vloggers (??) on surround sound and weep.
6. She’ll casually ask you questions like “what’s your absolute worst nightmare?” or “what kind of torture do you personally think would be most horrifying?” or “which family member could someone use for leverage over you most easily?” and other cryptic stuff like that. What is she planning??????
7. The Hair. Not the most severe of Erin’s offenses, but easily the most pervasive. The Hair is our fourth roommate, who lives in our shower drain, all over our furniture, on the floor, on our clothes – and there’s no getting rid of it. The replacement rate is unprecedented. You can clean as much of it as you want, but as soon as you turn around – it’s all back again. Clothing that is brand new, that I’m sure has never been near Erin, is coated in it. I wonder if this is related to what she does at night.
8. She keeps taking my toothbrush. It goes missing every week or so, and I keep having to buy more. She says it’s not her, but I’ve seen the pile of toothbrushes under her bed. What is this even about???
9. When you Facetime her, she will always pick up. And she will always be in a meeting with Dean Gould. It doesn’t matter what time it is, what day of the week, where she told you she was going to be – without fail, if you Facetime Erin, she will pick up the phone only to explain that she is in the middle of a meeting with Dean Gould, show you Dean Gould (I get the impression that he is also not a fan of this ritual) and tell you she’ll be free to talk to you later. It’s like, just don’t pick up!
10. At karaoke, she only sings “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant.” I know that’s not really that big of a deal, but it’s still weird right? That song is almost eight minutes long. Sit down.
11. Sometimes she takes my rice and it takes her a few days to replace it.
The past few years at Fordham have been a living nightmare because of this girl. Sometimes I lie awake at night (while she watches me), wondering what it would be like if my roommate was thoughtful and kind, someone who always put others first. Someone who is smart and ambitious – a great leader who always does the right thing, and never tries to make her successes about herself. A girl who works hard everyday at thankless jobs, who still takes time to care for her friends no matter what and constantly surprises them with her attentiveness and loyalty. Somebody who has an amazing and bright future ahead of her, somebody who brings happiness to everyone she knows, somebody who I am so proud to call my best friend.
I guess I’ll just never know…
Colleen Granberg, FCRH ’18, is an film and television major from Fairfield, Connecticut.
