It’s my last year of collegiate rowing, which is strange to say given I’d never rowed before Fordham. When I walked onto the team my freshman year, I thought an erg (the rowing machine usually sat untouched in the corner of most gyms) was for ab workouts. I still remember the first time I took a full stroke on the water. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. All sports have their challenges, but rowing is unique in that so little of it comes intuitively. I had been an athlete before college. I’d competed in triathlons, skied cross country and alpine, played soccer and participated in many other sports, and while “talented” is not the word I would have used to describe myself, each sport had an element to it that I already understood.
Rowing was wholly different. It was like learning to walk for the first time at the age of 18. It made me doubt if I was even capable of improving. The hardest practices were the ones that challenged me mentally, not physically. Every time the boat dipped sharply to one side or we were beaten by another team, I would tell myself I was the sole cause. But I wanted to be faster and technically stronger, not just for myself but for my teammates. So I kept at it, and while the learning curve was sharp, it was rewarding.
Seeing how much I’ve improved over the last three years has given me so much confidence. I had assumed confidence in sports was something that you could only let yourself feel when you had shown you were the best, so every failure became proof that I hadn’t earned it. I know now that I was wrong. Confidence isn’t a medal around your neck, it’s trusting yourself to push through failure and give everything, even when it won’t be enough. Understanding that changed my approach to rowing. I see failure as an opportunity, not as an opponent. This is the fastest I’ve ever been at the start of a season, and the part that motivates me most is knowing that I can still do better, be faster. When I am in the middle of a hard piece or approaching the last few hundred meters of a race, I can’t start doubting myself. My teammates are counting on me to be there with them, to take every stroke together and keep pushing towards the finish line. I need that confidence and self-trust if I want to be there for my team.
Our season is currently in full swing. I am up before 5:30 a.m. six days a week for practice. The work is tough and the early hours wear at me over the season. It’s mentally and physically exhausting, but knowing I have done it before helps me to know I can do it again. Our first race is in October, and I have so much I want to accomplish in my last year of rowing. I have dedicated so much of the past three years to this sport and can’t wait to see what my final season brings.
