Well, folks, it finally happened. On Sunday evening, the long awaited day arrived. The Rambearables finally played the backstabbing, talentless, rival Ram volleyball team. Okay, that may have been a little too harsh. Let me rephrase, we finally played the other Ram team. (Sorry, I can’t bring myself to use any nice adjectives to describe them.)
The evening began with a friendly Ram meeting. As the meeting ended, so did our fake niceties. Sections were torn apart and friendships were broken, with the Opinion Section taking the brunt of it. To say the least, the night was dramatic.
After the weekly meeting, I begged Sports Editor Maddie Bimonte, FCRH ’24, to join The Rambearables, but my pleas were met with no avail. She dismissed my request with a laugh. (She will certainly regret that when The Rambearables exit intramural playoffs with a clean sweep.)
The match started with a quick game of rock, paper and scissors to decide which team would serve first. Matt Colucci, GSB ’25, represented The Rambearables, while Nicole Braun, FCRH ’24, represented the other team. After Braun won the makeshift coin toss, we were off to the races!
The game itself was extremely underwhelming. I guess when you put a bunch of newspaper editors on a volleyball court, the ball hits the floor a lot. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. Despite our best efforts, both teams struggled to keep the ball in the air. Which, if you are unfamiliar with volleyball, is the point of the game.
The Rambearables newest player, Allison Schneider, FCRH ’26, had the game of her life. Schneider was a menace on the court, diving left and right, up and down, to keep the ball from hitting the paint. Schneider commented on the game, saying, “This is the best I have ever played!”
After playing for over half an hour, we realized that we had forgotten to keep score. At that point, a member of the lesser team, Michael Sluck, FCRH ’24, decided to begin keeping score.
Listen, I would never go on the record saying Sluck is a liar. That would be a serious accusation. (And I would never make a serious accusation in a light-hearted column like this!) I am saying, however, that the final score is a little fishy.
Also, I’m not the only one who doubts Sluck’s counting abilities! Colucci was outwardly upset with Sluck’s scorekeeping skills. He said, “Michael lied.” To say that star Rambearable libero, Evan McManus, FCRH ’25, was upset with the scorekeeping is an understatement. McManus said, “What Michael did was wrong.”
Although the game was officially called in the other team’s favor, I think that there is some room to debate the final score. We might have won! (Heavy emphasis on the word might.) Sofia Donohue, FCRH ’25, said it best. She said, “I think we were definitely winning at some point.” The Rambearables’ wonderful, fantastic team coach, Lauren Lombardi, FCRH ’25, wholeheartedly agreed with Donohue. She said, “The point in which they started keeping score is certainly curious.”
To wrap up my column, let me please stress that this entire piece is satire, and Sluck can definitely count. Tweag, please do not hold this against him if you are looking to hire him! Don’t take this seriously. After all, it was just a friendly game of some friends playing volleyball in a friendly manner. McManus said it best, “Although we lost, it was nice playing against our friends.”
