I am so confused about what is going on. These past few weeks have felt like a dream — a nightmare, actually. I was stripped of everything that I had grown so accustomed to: my classes, early morning practices, work on Sundays, even the constant hustle and bustle of New York City. Within a span of 72 hours, my life changed significantly, and I feel like I have no control.

I’m not going to act like I wasn’t happy when I found out face-to-face classes were suspended for a while. I was so excited, and yes, I was a part of the group that gathered on Eddie’s Parade and celebrated with everyone like it was Spring Weekend. I was happy, but I, along with many others, expected to be coming back. There was no doubt in my mind that the whole thing would blow over. I mean, nothing like this has happened before, so what could I expect?

Practice was still uncertain, but I showed up the next day. I wouldn’t mind having to go to practice while still having to do online classes. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and honestly, the extra free time was nice. I felt like I had more time to focus on track anyway, and that’s all I wanted to do.

Then, my mom was in my ear. She was freaking out, telling me that I needed to come home, but honestly, that was the last thing that I wanted to do. I decided to listen to her anyway because I would come back in a few days regardless. Outdoor season was set to start in about a week, and if I was to come back so soon, it wouldn’t hurt to just spend an extra few days with my family and give my mom some peace of mind before I returned to the city. I would only be missing one workout, and I could easily do that when I got back home, so there was no harm.

My uncle picked me up, and the next morning, we drove to Maryland. When we arrived in Maryland, I checked my phone, and that’s when I saw the message from our coach. It said that Fordham had decided to suspend official practice on campus, and I was confused. It didn’t seem like it was an official end of the season, but like they temporarily ended practice and would reevaluate later in the week. Nothing too bothersome, but still pretty weird.

Then, I checked social media. The message from the NCAA revealed that they had canceled the championships for the remainder of winter and spring athletics. I was even more confused than ever. What did this mean for me as an athlete of the A-10? I was hopeful that our season would still go on but knew that the chances would be slim.

Three hours later, while I was sitting in my house, I got another message from our coach in which he said that the A-10 has decided to end the season. “All spring competition (non-conference and conference), and all 2020 A10 spring championships” have been canceled. A lot of sad face memes followed that message in our group chat. The reaction from my teammates was shocking. Everyone was very upset and sad, but we all bonded together. Many seniors sent their messages of gratitude and thanks to the team. Their seasons were stripped from them so quickly and so unfairly, but it was met with a lot of love.

Coach did his best to reassure us, but I know that there are a lot of us who are still very upset. I was left confused yet again. Dealing with an injury all of the indoor season, I did not have the opportunity to compete, and because of this, I was granted a redshirt season. I was curious as to whether or not this would allow me to have a full indoor and outdoor season eligibility. As a walk-on, my options were pretty limited already.

Then on Friday, March 13, our coach sent us another message saying the NCAA would give students a season of eligibility back. Trump declared the coronavirus a national emergency. Fordham canceled face-to-face classes for the rest of the semester.

Yet another day where I am so confused. So many words are left unsaid. So many activities left undone. So many traditions left uncompleted. I just don’t know what to say. I am left confused again. Really, what is going on?