When do you feel big? 

Our coach asked the outfielders this before our game against Coastal Carolina this weekend.

“Feeling big.” Not something as young women we’re used to doing. There are so many aspects of society rooted in history, institutions and pop culture designed to keep women feeling small. Targeted marketing, widespread stereotypes and a constant push for unreachable perfection. We’re indirectly taught that being small is better, or at least safer, and so we often turn to that headspace in times of turmoil. 

It’s not often women can express confidence in themselves without backlash and yet here, as we waited for pre-game warmups to begin, our coach was telling us to do just that.

Our answers were all over the place. People mentioned things like weightlifting, giving presentations, taking care of others and one girl even mentioned wearing her favorite clothes. It was amazing hearing my teammates be prideful. After months of spending almost every day with these girls, this was the first time I’d heard them talk positively about themselves.

There is great power in positive affirmation. A psychologist and professor from Stanford University introduced the self-affirmation theory in the late 1980s which says focusing on positive values decreases stress and defensiveness when your self-image is called into question. Improving your self-worth can lead to healthier relationships, coping mechanisms and overall mood and well-being. Feeling strong, powerful, beautiful or big, by yourself and for yourself, keeps you from having to rely on others for validation. In the sports world, controlling what you can control by taking ownership of your own thoughts allows you to perform at your best without distraction. As women we should relish in being “big.” We should strive for greatness, enjoy the spotlight and applaud our successes. 

After that talk, our coach told us to channel the emotions we experience in those moments into our play on the field that night. We ended up shutting out the Chanticleers on their home field. Whatever she said, and more specifically, whatever we said to ourselves, must have worked because we played just as big as we felt.